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top 10 bassist jokes

September 6, 2012

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10. Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune his band noticed?

9. How can you tell the stage is level at a gig?
The bassist drools outta both sides of their mouth.

8. what do you call it when two upright bassists playing in unison?
A minor second.

7. Why couldn’t the bassist get through the front door?
He couldn’t find the key and didn’t know when to come in!

6. A Bass Teacher is excited about getting a new, young student.  The kid is comes in for his first lesson and learns all the notes on the E string. Next week he comes in and the instructor shows him all of the notes on the A string. The third week comes, the teacher is waiting, but  the kid never shows up. Annoyed, he calls him to see where he is. The kid picks up and says, "Oh, sorry man, I got a gig..."

5. Why can’t bassists tell jokesTiming.

5. Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?
It took him four hours to get the bass player out.

4. How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the guitarist has to show him how to do it first.

3. How many country-western bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1 - 5 - 1 - 5 - 1 - 5

1. A man goes on a vacation to a tropical island.  As soon as the plane lands, he gets off and hears drumming.  At first, he thinks, “This is pretty cool”.  He ends up going to a luau and hears the drumming.  He eats lunch and hears the drums.  He goes to the beach and hears the drums.  He tries to sleep, but can’t because of the constant drumming.

The drumming goes on for four days.  The guy has to go down to the front desk because he can’t sleep.  He asks the manager “What is the deal with these drums! Make them stop.  I haven’t got any sleep this whole week!”

The manager of the hotel says “No. Drums don’t stop.  You don’t want the drums to stop, sir.”

“Why?”

“Because when drums stop… Bass solo begins!”

Comments

  1. FrankenFretter says:

    Where is #2?

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:01 pm
  2. Jon Patton says:

    uuuuhggghghgh. This is less than 500 words long and it couldn’t be proofread?

    Was this written by a drummer?

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:05 pm
  3. Mark Leavitt says:

    How many fives does a bassist put in a count of ten?  Or whatever happened to number two?

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm
  4. TJ says:

    @FrankenFretter: Bassists can’t count.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm
  5. Caleb Sanderson says:

    Bwaaahhahhhaaaa!!!!! We are elitist snobs.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:08 pm
  6. Brio says:

    Was this supposed to be funny or just plain insulting? Now as part of the democratic process, you “will” post similar jokes about, guitarists, drummers, vocalists and keyboardists-right? If not, some good customers like myself, might consider buying from another retailer. In other words, it would be considered a very bad marketing concept and actually backfire in the company’s face!

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:08 pm
  7. MarkCT says:

    #2. How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The keyboard player will do it with her left hand.

    I’m a bassist and a drummer. I get it from both sides.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:08 pm
  8. abassplayer4life says:

    Two number five and no two. Must be a guitarist doing the counting.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm
  9. David Gennaro says:

    A minor second…lol

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm
  10. Bobby says:

    there are 2 #5’s.  I guess the bass player was in charge of numbering.  They never go to the 2 anyway…

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm
  11. Jim Mineweaser says:

    How manny bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
    Call ten, maybe one will show.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:10 pm
  12. Gonzobubu says:

    Lighten up, Brio. bass player jokes are a long-honored tradition in the music biz. See, drummer jokes don’t work cuz the timing is always off and guitar player jokes don’t work cuz guitar players can’t read…

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm
  13. John M says:

    Q: What is the difference between a bass player and a drummer?

    A: Usually about half a beat.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm
  14. Per Jonsson says:

    Haha, Brio!
    Relax, man!
    This was funny, and many of these are often applied on the other musicians in the band aswell:P
    It’s just plain funny, not insulting at all if you don’t want it to be?

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm
  15. Jean-Paul Antoine says:

    THANKYOU!!! More muso jokes to pin on my studio toilet wall!!
    Of course we have musicians in the band and also a bassist and a drummer !

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm
  16. AJ says:

    Wow Brio….how about get a sense of humor!? You’re going to take jokes so personally as to consider shopping elsewhere?! wow. You’re probably one of those musicians who can’t take any criticism without getting sand in his vag…..

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm
  17. abassplayer4life says:

    Just remember, there’s no dancing without the bass player. We are the groove.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm
  18. scott says:

    hey brio, i think you forgot to take your meds today. i bet you got called cry baby a lot throughout your life.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm
  19. Jean-Paul Antoine says:

    Hey Brio..
    Please do not be insulted and take this so serious mon ami!! After 40 nyears in the business I have heard ALL the jokes, including many against we lead guitarists! It is part of the showbiz culture! It also takes the boredom out of the constant waiting around to go on stage or whatever! If I was’ hurt’ by the amount of insults I hear I would need ER!!  Peace, love and music !!! Jean-Paul…musicien fou.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm
  20. BBD says:

    Who’s the guy hanging out with the musicians in the band?.........the drummer.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm
  21. Blackie James says:

    Ha Ha Ha ! !  Very funny.  Lighten up guys musician jokes have been around for as long as music.  Hey my drummer is a great drummer but he’s a beat off .......

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm
  22. Jeremy B. says:

    Wow. I thought all musicians had some sort of a sense of humor. I guess not! Haha. Oh well. Here’s one for all musicians in general, that way we’re all equal and nobody else gets all butt-hurt. “Mom, when I grow up, I wanna be a musician.” “Well, pick one because you can’t do both, honey.”

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm
  23. Thunderbeast says:

    I’m with you Brio. I used to really like the corner but it seems like the pgs guys have run out useful information to share with us. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if it were actually funny. These are puns sure but not really jokes. I’ll play my upright bass in circles around most of the guitar players laughing at this nonsense. Because the one guy in the band who never takes a break is always the bass player

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm
  24. Tony says:

    OK then…
    Q. How many bass-players does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. None. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

    However…
    Q. What’s the definition of counterpoint?
    A. Two guitarists reading from the same score.

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm
  25. Mel Green says:

    When do the banjo jokes begin?

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm
  26. Trik says:

    Q: What did the bassist get on his IQ test?

    A: Saliva.

    Wakka, boom-tish!

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm
  27. Johnny C says:

    A band plays Madison Square Garden, opening for Aerosmith.
    As they stand onstage during the first song, this goes through their minds:
    Singer: “I made it! All the hard work! I am so lucky!”
    Guitarist: “My family and friends are hear. Years of playing bars have payed off!”
    Drummer: “Best moment of my life…John Bonham say here and played!!”
    Bass Player: “D…G…A…over a string…up to the next dot…down 3 frets…B…Fsharp…”

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm
  28. hugh says:

      definition of a base player - half way between a drummer and a musician . hey - I play both tenor and 5 banjo - plus diatonic accordion .. - do I need any more jokes than that lolol

    posted on September 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm
  29. Dan says:

    Haha, well if bass playing is so easy why do so many people fail hard? Also, this article would have been more amusing if it had been proofread… over and over again… until the guitarist writing it made sense to the rest of the world!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 12:02 am
  30. Jaydn says:

    Wow. This is low, pgs.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 12:02 am
  31. Hal says:

    I play both guitar and bass, so:  How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? 4. One to do it, 3 others to stand back with their arms folded and say “Man, I coulda done that s**t better than that!”

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 12:09 am
  32. adrian says:

    love the rimshot button!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 12:26 am
  33. Murry says:

    Hey, I’m a bass player…..and I uh…...um, oh yeah…. I thought joke number 2 had the best punch line. But why did you write it so that only bass players can see it?

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 12:30 am
  34. Lucy Diamond says:

    Dude, I hit the rimshot button after reading Brio’s comment!!

    Rotflol.

    This was comedy gold today. Typos and all.

    Rock out proguitarshop.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 12:38 am
  35. Myron Stewart says:

    Well,well,after a Lifetime of “Drummer Jokes”,they found space fir another Monkey…...Wow~

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 12:57 am
  36. Myron Stewart says:

    We’ll,we’ll…...After a Lifetime of Drummer Jokes,they made room for Another Monkey ......WOW~

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:00 am
  37. Mitch says:

    What do you throw a drowning bassplayer?
    His amp, with a long extension cord plugged in.

    What does a lead guitar player use for birth control?
    His personality.

    Whats the difference between most musicians and a monkey in a tux?
    The monkey’s got a paying gig.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:02 am
  38. Paul says:

    Ouch!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:12 am
  39. shotgunn says:

    I certainly hope none of you guys are ACTUALLY offended at this. If you are… Lighten up!!!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:29 am
  40. Chris Brush says:

    Guys (and girls) - there is a long tradition of these kinds of jokes in the music biz. If you can’t laught at yourself, you’re doomed. By the looks of these commments, I can tell many are younger “sensitive” types. If you are, and you plan to try to make a living making music, you had better develop a thicker skin,  because I can tell many many of you will be eaten alive. Keep the Jokes coming! Funny as hell.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:29 am
  41. Bryan says:

    Proud bass player for 35+ years.  Anyone who has played as long as I have knows not to take yourself too seriously.  Its no use getting all wrapped around the axle about what someone else says (or prints) anyway.  It all comes out in the wash.  The best thing is just to go have fun playing.  And lighten up.  Smile.  Have a beer.  What makes these funny is that a lot of it is true.  Usually the only people who get offended are those who see themselves in the joke.  Now, where did I leave my amp?....

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:32 am
  42. Zap says:

    Why won’t the bass player shop at PGS , because he has no sense of humor.  lol

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:41 am
  43. Mr. McVick says:

    As a bassist, love this, so oddly true as well. BUT what happens when you get two drummers in the same room??? Math class.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:43 am
  44. Mulch says:

    Drummer jokes are funniest, cuz they never get them.

    PGS doesn’t actually have much bass gear anyway. I think a bit of funny is good.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 1:52 am
  45. Timothy says:

    What do you call people who hang out with musicians? - Drummers!!! What is the difference between Guitarists and GOD???——- GOD doesn’t think he’s a Guitarist!!!!!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 2:00 am
  46. Toby says:

    Q. What’s the best gift for a bassist?
    A. A watch so they might actually be able to stay on time.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 2:12 am
  47. PaulM says:

    Congrats pgs for not being politically correct, sorry for the lack of humour of some people, lighten up kids!
    By the way, my bass player is one of the best musicians I know…

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 2:32 am
  48. Diana says:

    I’m a bass player, and one who’d be more offended if most of it wasn’t so often true. Sigh….

    Okay, favorite drummer joke, as told to me by a drummer:  What do you call a drummer who doesn’t have a girlfriend?  Homeless!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 2:44 am
  49. Diana says:

    To Bryan:  Well said, sir!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 2:48 am
  50. Myron Hudson says:

    I’m a guitar player, so:
    How do you get a guitar player to turn their amp up?
    Put sheet music in front of them.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 2:52 am
  51. Dallas says:

    Why does a Bass have 4 strings?
    Because 3 are “spares” :)

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 3:23 am
  52. B man says:

    do these apply if you play a five string bass ? :P

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 3:25 am
  53. Jean-Paul Antoine says:

    I’m mostly a lead guitarist, but occasionally I play bass.. and keyboards.. and violin… and rhythm.. Sometimes I play 12 string.. but difficult cos I haven’t yet learned to count to twelve!!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 3:40 am
  54. eejay1803 says:

    I’m a guitarist, so someone else is typing (and spelling) for me…
    Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
    A: ALL of them…One to change the bulb while the rest stand looking on with arms crossed, all saying simultaneously: “I can do that”.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 3:42 am
  55. Alan Rigg says:

    What do you throw a drowning bass player?
    His amp!!!!!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 3:50 am
  56. Jay says:

    Aside from #6, none of these were all that funny.  On the other hand:
    What do you call a musician who just broke up with his girlfriend?
    -Homeless

    How do you get a guitar player to slow down and turn down?
    -Put a piece of sheet music in front of him

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:18 am
  57. Steve Hermens says:

    Q. What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
    A. When the accordion lands on the banjo in the dumpster.

    Q. How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. Who cares?

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:23 am
  58. rl says:

    as a bassist of 25 years (humour aside) i found this insulting. Obviously you dont know any real bassists. I have three friends also bassists who’s timing is way better than any drummer i’ve ever played with.  And guitarists, dont get me started. So henceforth i guess since my experience is different i dd not even find it humourous or even get some of them. However a few of the follow up posts were funny.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:25 am
  59. Hans Meter says:

    What’s the last thing an L.A. stripper does with her asshole before work?
    Drops him off at rehearsal and makes sure he has his stickbag…

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:36 am
  60. Spencer says:

    Funny, but I wouldn’t want to live in a musical world without bass.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:38 am
  61. Edward Oberlander says:

    How do you gat a bass player off your porch?

    Pay for the pizza.

    WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Everyone need a good laff and if you took offence to the list, you should take your ball and go home.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:45 am
  62. Stefaun Crichton says:

      Good jokes are always fun, but these are not funny in any way, nor have have a very high mental level. Focus on useful information or leave the page blank.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:48 am
  63. By-Tor says:

    I wonder what Geddy Lee has to say about this

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 4:54 am
  64. Isaac Lee says:

    They did number 5 twice. Then skipped number 2…
    Whoever typed this up must’ve been a bassist.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:01 am
  65. Hal says:

    I bet Geddy Lee would have a great sense of humor about these jokes. He would be laughing all the way to the bank

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:07 am
  66. Toneman says:

    Hey Guys, sad thing is I play bass and guitar - oh no!
    What to do - should I add another bass joke or go with a guitar one, nah lets pick on the vocalist.

    Q. What’s a vocalist best form of contraception?
    A. Their personality!

    Ba dum ching!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:13 am
  67. Harry_Spider says:

    So 3 musicians and a bass player walk into a bar…

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:14 am
  68. George says:

    Why do Bass players think the Electric Bass is superior to the Guitar? Because the Electric Bass burns longer.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:27 am
  69. Jet says:

    What do you call a bass player who gets his panties in a wad being offended by bass player jokes?

    A bitch.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:50 am
  70. rmdavis13 says:

    Wow, I didn’t realize bass players could get indignant.

    Why did the guitar player cross the road - girls.
    Why did the singer cross the road - girls.
    Why did the keyboard player cross the road - his wife told him to.
    Why did the drummer cross the road - tequila.
    Why did the bass player cross the road - it was downhill.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:51 am
  71. Rexx says:

    Two guitarists are fighting in an alley behind a bar, a man asks “what are you fighting about?” , one guitarist says, “he knocked my string out of tune”, man says “but why are you fighting?”, guitarist says, “He won’t tell me which string”

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:51 am
  72. Rexx says:

    How do you get a guitar player to turn his amp down? Put sheet music in front of him.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:54 am
  73. Bass Player says:

    I can’t believe there are actually bass players here that got butt hurt about the jokes. Just tell some guitar player or drummer jokes and get them back.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 5:56 am
  74. Jet says:

    How can you tell if there’s a drummer at your door?

    He knocks faster and faster and then comes in late.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 6:13 am
  75. Nancy says:

    Brio: I didn’ t realize basists were also uptight!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 6:13 am
  76. Fatguy says:

    Know the difference between a 16 inch pizza and a bass player?

    The pizza can feed a family of four.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 6:14 am
  77. Jake L. says:

    Apparently a lot of people missed the part where it said “jokes”. The bassist doth protest too much!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 6:32 am
  78. stewpidgeetarasst says:

    Guitar player/stupid jerk here, in honor of Brio’s comment, I will make fun of myself:

    How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb?
    He holds it and thinks the world revolves around him.

    P.S. I think PGS might survive the loss of a couple bass players that take themselves way too seriously. Lighten up man, I’d be more concerned about actually giving bass players the bad name you think a joke or two does, with your comments.

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 6:49 am
  79. TheJimTurner says:

    I dont know about bassist Jokes, but my favorite multi-effect pedal add read: “so easy your drummer could use it.” ***BURN***

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 6:51 am
  80. ZachZ says:

    abassplayer4life: OUCH!

    posted on September 7, 2012 at 7:17 am

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