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Top 10 Drummer Jokes

May 21, 2013

First, the Fancy Internet Drummer Replacement:

 

 

Top 10 Drummer Jokes

 

1.What is the difference between a pizza and a drummer?

The Pizza can feed a family of four

 

2.What’s the last thing a drummer says in a band?

“Hey Guys, why don’t we try one of my songs?

 

3.What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?

The Defendant

 

4.Did you hear about the drummer that went to college?

Me Neither.

 

5.How do you make a drummer’s car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.

 

6.What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?

The savings bond will mature and make money.

 

7.Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in the car?

It took 3 hours to get the drummer out!

 

8.What’s the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

You only have to punch the instruction into a drum machine once.

 

9.I told my Mom when I grow up I want to be a drummer.  She said you cant do both.

 

10.How do you know a drummer is at your door?

The knocking gets faster and he doesn’t know when to come in!

 

There are a Million Drummer Jokes.  Please share yours!

Comments

  1. Jonas Nygren says:

    What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

    A drummer

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:25 am
  2. James Cashin says:

    Following the assault of a young woman, back stage at a Concert , the police rounded up all the Musicians for a lineup; suddenly, the Drummer stepped forward and screamed “That’s her!!”

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:28 am
  3. Daniel says:

    Am I the only one who doesn’t find these jokes funny? The drummer is the most important person for the band to sound good, in my opinion.
    Btw, I’m a guitarist=)

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:30 am
  4. Q says:

    Is it true that drummers get the girls more often than the other members of a band?

    Yes, because they’re so used to pounding on things.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:31 am
  5. James Spina says:

    Name a truly great band without a truly great drummer…

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:32 am
  6. Andrew S says:

    What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?

    Homeless.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:32 am
  7. Tom S. says:

    How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? Pay him for the pizza.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:33 am
  8. Rick Bayles says:

    How can you tell when the stage is level?

    The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:33 am
  9. Paul says:

    Hey Daniel - you are Dave Grohl and I claim my $5000! ;)

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:34 am
  10. Rob DeRubeis says:

    How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    5, one to change the bulb and 4 to discuss how Neil Peart would do it

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:35 am
  11. Mike Aimer says:

    How can you tell if the drum riser is level?

    The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:35 am
  12. Jeff says:

    You can take out drummer and insert guitarist…bass player etc. It’s just a joke. I find them funny but I agree with Daniel, the drummer is the single most important person on the stage and I’m a guitarist too.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:36 am
  13. Justin says:

    Why do some guitarists keep a set of drum sticks on the dashboard in their car?

    So they can park in handicap spots.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:37 am
  14. Mr P says:

    Hey, Daniel.  My favorite drummers all tell these jokes.  “Lighten up, Francis”

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:37 am
  15. Tom Allen says:

    all these jokes are funny.  some really funny.  But just 2 words to remind us of all that a drummer can be - rhythmic, iconic, a singer, a songwriter, a mentor, “the glue”.....

    LEVON HELM

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:38 am
  16. James Spina says:

    I’m with Daniel. this stupidity had no place on ProGuitar.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:38 am
  17. DRAGA says:

    VERY FUNNY!!
    BY THE WAY I HAVE BEEN A DRUMMER BEFORE LIGHT WAS CREATED!!!! IF ANYONE GETS OFFENDED ,TELL THEM TO GO PLAY A TUBA!!!
    DRAGA

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:40 am
  18. Jack says:

    Man visiting tropical island. He lands and immediately hears drums in the distance.They continue all day. About midnight he asks a native, when does the drumming stop? The native looks at him and says, “please don’t ask, terrible things happen when drums stop!” The man is perplexed but goes on with his vacation. All week the drums keep beating, day and night and he gets frantic wondering what happens when the drums finally stop. None of the natives will tell him! Finally he threatens a native with bodily injury unless he tells him what happens when the drums stop. The native looks at him with an expression of sheer horror and says simply “bass solo!!!!!”
    OK, maybe that’s really a bassist joke…

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:40 am
  19. Britain Barnes says:

    I LOVE drummers.  My favorite member of almost any band is the drummer.  They are the backbone, and beyond that, they are just sexy.  I find these jokes a riot, and I’m sure most drummers do as well.  They’re meant in good fun, and it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:41 am
  20. Tony says:

    Two copy cat guitar player wannabees were trying to learn a song so they slowed it down to 1/2 speed then downloaded the tab and then looked on youtube for more one on one. The internet was not working so they went outside for a smoke. One looked over and saw a dog licking himself and said don’t you wish we could do that? And the other guy said yeah, but he would probably bite me.

    I DON’T LIKE DRUMMER JOKES…..STICK TO THE GUITAR AMP THING PLEASE…...Drummer AND Guitar player here….....

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:41 am
  21. John Hawk says:

    Why do drummers leave there drum sticks on the dash board…So they can park in the handicap zone…

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:41 am
  22. guitarmageddon says:

    How do know a drummer has been to your house?

    He’s still there.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:41 am
  23. Michael Lafferty says:

    Did you hear about the drummer that found out most accidents occur within a mile of home?

    He moved.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:43 am
  24. Scott says:

    Know how to get a guitarist to turn down? Put a chart in front of him.

    BTW, I’m a drummer.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:45 am
  25. Jon Patton says:

    What do you call a repost of something that appeared in the Corner about 1 year ago?

    This post.

    Right down to the rimshot button and the
    exact.
    same.
    typos.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:46 am
  26. Dimitri says:

    What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

    When you plug them in, they both suck.

    I, too am a drummer

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:47 am
  27. Bob B says:

    The word “DRUM” is an acronym: it stands for

    Doesn’t
    Really
    Understand
    Music

    ....and I got this one from Dane Clark!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:48 am
  28. Matt says:

    A guy walks into a shop, walks up to the man behind the counter and says “I’d like a pack of 9-42 nickel wounds, a dozen plectrums and a capo”  the man behind the counter says “You must be a drummer”  to which the drummer replies “Yes I am, how did you know?” The man behind the counter smiles and says “Because this is a butcher shop”.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:49 am
  29. John Steele says:

    Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys into his car?
    He had to break a window to let the bass player out.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:50 am
  30. ben says:

    Dave Grohl would be the exception to #2.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:50 am
  31. Jeff K says:

    What’s the definition of a band?  Three musicians and a drummer.

    My dad was a drummer for 73 years, and I always got a sigh out of that joke.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:52 am
  32. Brenda says:

    You can have a great guitarist and a mediocre drummer and the band sounds ok. But if you have a great drummer and a mediocre guitarist you will sound great. I play guitar, but the drummer is the most important.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:54 am
  33. PJ Slade says:

    How do you drive the bass player crazy when he’s been drinking a lot of beer?

    You push him into a round room and tell him to take a leak in the corner.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:54 am
  34. Tom S. says:

    I dunno guys. I’m a guitar player. I’ve heard a ton of guitarist jokes. Never been offended once. The best drummer jokes I’ve heard are from drummers!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:54 am
  35. Scott says:

    What haz 3 leg’s and an A**Hole ?
    ....A Drum Stool…

    My favorite Joke about ME !

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:55 am
  36. Tim says:

    Why did god give drummers 20% more brains than horses?  So they don’t poop during parades.

    Drummers set the tone of the band and are a critical component.
    .....and all musician Jokes are funny, gotta be able to laugh at yourself.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:56 am
  37. Col says:

    Q: What’s the difference between a dead drummer and a dead skunk in the road?

    A: The skunk has skids marks next to it.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:57 am
  38. Burt says:

    Why did the drummer cross the road?

    ... He doesn’t know either…

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 3:58 am
  39. Michael says:

    Two of my best friends are drummers.

    They would be the first to laugh at these jokes.

    Lighten up people.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:00 am
  40. John Small says:

    Many of the best guitarists know how to drum.

    And that’s no joke!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:00 am
  41. Bron Buick says:

    Drummer got fed up of being the butt of all the jokes so he sold his kit and decided he wanted to be a guitarist…so he walked into the shop and asked for a red Strat and a Marshall stack. The shopkeeper turned round with a laugh and said ‘Hey you’re a drummer aren’t you’ The drummer carried on to say ‘never mind what I am - I have all this cash and I want a red Strat and a Marshall stack’...now the shopkeepers wetting himself as he stutters ’ you’re definately a drummer aren’t you?’ the drummer finally concedes and says ‘actually yes, how did you know’ and the shopkeeper says - ‘cos you’re in a f*ckin’ chip shop!’

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:01 am
  42. jack says:

    Name a great band without a great drummer?...how about The Beatles…......

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:07 am
  43. Andy says:

    Dude, Ringo was an unreal drummer. He understood groove like few men in the world.

    How can you tell the drummer is speeding up?

    He’s smiling.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:16 am
  44. CD says:

    How do you know the drummer is driving the van?

    Van speeds up… van slows down… van speeds up… van slows down…

    Definition of a typical rock band: One good guitar player to play lead guitar, one bad guitar player to play rhythm, one guy so hopeless at guitar he picked up bass, one singer who can’t play guitar at all but insists on strumming along on an acoustic during “the ballad” anyway… and one drummer who hates all guitar players.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:16 am
  45. Jim Harris says:

    Jeez-o-pete folks, lighten up. They’re jokes. I think every drummer I’ve ever known would laugh at all of these. But as usual these days, people will fight for the front of the line to get their feelings hurt.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:16 am
  46. Nigel Robinson says:

    What happened when the drummer locked his keys in the car?

    They had to break a window to get the bass player out.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:17 am
  47. Ringo says:

    What do you call a drummer that puts in ear plugs?

    Self-aware!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:18 am
  48. labillyboy says:

    Wonder what Dave Grohl thinks? He’s one dang talented drummer…

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:18 am
  49. Paul Rooney says:

    Well, I wish to fly agianst convention, and please all the drummers that read this, whilst winning a well-deseved prize :-)

    So, here’s one told to me by the late-great Cozy Powell ( Rainbow / Black Sabbath ) ... It is the drummers revenge joke !

    Whats the difference between a drummer and a Gynaecologist ?

    A Gynaecologist has to play with only one twot at a time !!!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:23 am
  50. theojkett says:

    What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
    His amp.

    How does a female singer turn on the light after sex?
    She opens the car door.

    How many keyboard players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, it has to be charted out first.

    What’s the difference between a bass player and a nuclear explosion?
    You can hear the bass player.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:25 am
  51. jacosmar says:

    Three musicians a drummer walk into a bar and…

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:28 am
  52. Scott says:

    What does a drummer use for contraception?
    His personality.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:29 am
  53. Ryan says:

    What did the drummer get on his SATs?

    Drool

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:30 am
  54. Scott says:

    How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None, they have machines for that now.

    BTW, I’m a drummer.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:34 am
  55. David says:

    I find these jokes amusing and laughable in a good way.  However, really, what would any band do without a drummer?  Then again what would a Jazz band do without a bassist?  It is just too hard to play a guitar, saxophone, trumpet, etc. in a group without the heart beat behind it.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:36 am
  56. Bob Noxious says:

    Okay, here goes: a guy goes into a new nightclub that’s set up a little unusually. It’s a long corridor with numbers over the doors. He looks above the first door, and it has 180 over it. He peers into the room, and a bunch of guys are talking about string theory, using viruses as a means to introduce genetic mutation, and other such topics. He decides that he doesn’t belong in that room. He opens the next door, which has 140 over it. Inside, the topic of conversation is the symbolism in Bergman films. It occurs to him that the numbers over the door correspond to the IQs of those in the room. He walks all the way down to the end of the corridor, where he sees a room with 40 over it. Out of morbid curiosity he opens the door, where he hears one guy ask another, “So what size sticks do you use?”.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:38 am
  57. P.C. Salter says:

    A drummer passes away, and when he re-opens his eyes he’s in a dimly lit theater.  On the stage a spot light is shining on his drum kit.  As his eyes adjust to the light he can see a white grand piano in front of a Vox AC-30 and a sanded down Epiphone Casino, he can just see a white Stratocaster , blackened by fire leaning against a Marshall stack.  He stares in disbelief at another Marshall with a collection of Corricidin bottles scattered across the top and a late 50’s sunburst Les Paul patiently waiting for the arrival of its owner.  He can just make out the headstocks of Fender Jazz basses standing like silent soldiers in front of an Acoustic 360 bass rig.  As he starts down the aisle toward the stage the room lights go to black and the curtain begins to part and out steps John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Duane Allman and Jaco Pastorius.  As he runs up to the stage with tears streaming down his face he shouts “Is this heaven? ”  “Heaven?” John Lennon snorts; and at that moment Karen Carpenter steps through the curtains and says “Close To You” boys, on three”...

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:40 am
  58. Scott says:

    “Hey buddy, how late does the band play?”
    “Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer.”
    ——————————————————————————————
    What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
    They both suck without Cream.
    ——————————————————————————————
    How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
    You can tell it’s coming, but you can’t do anything about it.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:47 am
  59. Shaky says:

    What do you say to a drummer who can’t take a joke.  “You have a stick up your ass.”

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 4:59 am
  60. Lawrence Weisgal says:

    All in fun but Never Ever diss the Beatles and Ringo. May have never been a better drummer then and/or now. Fancy has nothing to do with ability. Ringo never missed a beat, kept time like a metronome and was a Beatle. Case closed!
    I actually laughed once or twice. My friend is one of the best drummers I have ever heard, 50 years old and still living with his mother. Now that’s funny!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 5:07 am
  61. Doug Toon says:

    Why did God give drummers 10% more brains than he did horses?

    So they won’t shit in parades!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 5:25 am
  62. tilden says:

    Q: What’s the difference between a drummer and a bass player?

    A: About half a beat . . .

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 5:30 am
  63. Mike says:

    I have two really good, really important friends who have been drumming longer than some of you have been chewing food…They here one drummer joke and you cant shut either one of them up. Between the two of them…they’ve got more jokes than anybody I have ever met! Get over yourselves!!

    My personal favorite is from a drummer I played with 40 yrs ago…says he…“dont give me this , one two three s*@t, just start the f#*k’in song”.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 5:47 am
  64. Stacy says:

    Some people are way serious!  And to those complaining…did you not click something with the text “top 10 drummer jokes” to get here?  Just sayin…

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 5:47 am
  65. Hanx says:

    Funny how all drummers must repent on guitarist telling the same jokes but change A word. Stepped on some toes did we…?!?

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 5:51 am
  66. Bruce Wallace says:

    I’m a drummer, and I think they’re hilarious!

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 5:54 am
  67. Sebastián says:

    Which is the best friend of a musician?

    The drummer.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 6:04 am
  68. Larry says:

    Never knew their were so many drummer jokes out there. I’d only heard one of them before. Yes, gratuitous, but funny.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 6:05 am
  69. Mark says:

    Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A:  100…...1 to change the bulb the other 99 stand around saying ” I could do that, I could do that,
    I could do that….........”

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 6:15 am
  70. Tom says:

    What do you call the guy who hangs out with the band? The drummer

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 6:18 am
  71. SL says:

    What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

    Homeless

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 6:19 am
  72. President Dogeater says:

    How can you quickly stop a lead guitarist from playing? Put a piece of sheet music in front of him or her. Not a drummer joke but i thought i’d share it anyway for you drummers that are so overly sensitive.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 6:41 am
  73. toni laznik says:

    How do call a drummer who became a big frontman?

    Dave Grohl ! ! ! ! !

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 7:10 am
  74. Mark R says:

    I’m a drummer and I love these jokes. At least we have sense of humour which is more than some of the guitarists responding to this post.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 7:12 am
  75. Eric Reicher says:

    I like the drummer in my band. He brings an 18 pack of ice cold Miller Lite Beer. Last week I hung a 20” x 30” sheet of clear Lexan between his drums and my Hammond. It blocks that dang symbol from crashing my eardrums. I like him even better now.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 7:15 am
  76. Steve says:

    Justin Bieber: God sent me to make music for the world
    Neil Peart: what? I didn’t send anybody

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 7:15 am
  77. Steve says:

    Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: They SCREW in??

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 7:16 am
  78. biffoz says:

    The orchestra had repeatedly stopped playing and the Conductor kept giving the drummer notes and criticism. Finally after much frustration and wasted time, one of the wealthy patrons ambled over to the drummer and took away one of his sticks, sending him to the conductor’s spot with the caution, “Don’t screw this up cause we’ve already gone through all the drummers in this town!”

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 7:16 am
  79. Shamu says:

    off topic:

    What do you call 2 fretless bassists playing in unison?
    A half step.

    What does a fretless bass and a lawsuit have in common?
    Everyone’s relieved when the case is closed.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 7:40 am
  80. Walrus Willie says:

    Surely you all have heard of “The World’s Most Interesting Man.” He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does, he drinks Dos Equis. He doesn’t always talk to drummers, but when he does, he orders fries.

    posted on May 21, 2013 at 8:27 am

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